Apart
by anahita
Summary: After putting some distance between himself and Shuichi, Eiri contemplates his relationship.


Disclaimer: I don't own Gravitation.  
  
Rating: R for profanity and for Yuki x Shuichi lime ^_^;  
  
Note: This takes place during the anime timeline, after Yuki originally broke up with Shuichi. The anime suggested that they no longer lived together afterwards, even though they were still lovers. I just felt like exploring this part of their relationship.  
  
  
  
Apart  
  
By Anahita (psychobishojo@aol.com)  
  
He lay in his bed, wide-awake with no hope of falling asleep. Yet another restless night in a cold bed, half-empty. There was too much room; it was far too quiet. The blanket didn't help to warm him up any. Another night where he lay awake and stared at the shadows cast on his bedroom wall from the dim streetlamps outside his window. The situation was hopeless, he finally conceded after a few hours of that. Not even a week had passed since they last saw each other, and already Eiri couldn't stop thinking about Shuichi.  
  
This was for the best. He kept reminding himself. This was what he wanted, and more importantly, this was what he needed. He needed time alone. He needed Shuichi away from him. And besides that, it was better that way. Better to end things on his terms. It was always a lot less painful when he was the one in control of the situation.  
  
But even the knowledge of that didn't help alleviate his insomnia. It didn't prevent him from seeing a certain pair of blue eyes and a familiar head of pink hair when he closed his eyes. The same image would haunt his dreams even if he could fall asleep.  
  
The phone rang, as if some cruel person knew he was suffering and decided to give him a call to rub a little salt in his wounds. He muttered a curse and let the machine answer.  
  
"Eiri, this is the fourth time I've tried to call you today. Why won't you answer my calls?" He groaned. It was his sister, being her typical meddlesome self.  
  
"Fuck off." He mumbled to the voice on the answering machine. As far as he was concerned, there was nothing more to say to one another about the topic. She got what she wanted. Why did she continue to harp on the subject?  
  
He flipped on his side and looked longingly at the empty spot next to him, all while his sister continued to scold him.  
  
It was useless. He was sick of lying awake in bed every goddamn night, pining for some kid who never brought him anything but headaches, aggravation, and mediocre sex. And for all the trouble he was worth, the brat couldn't even make a decent pot of coffee! But Eiri missed all that. Missed the bad sex and lousy coffee and the pink haired idiot who just wouldn't shut up while he was sitting at his desk trying to work, and being lulled to sleep to the sound of his light breathing and... Eiri rolled out of bed and cursed to himself once again. It was time to move along to the backup plan. Getting drunk and passing out. Sleep was sleep, after all. And he would take it anyway he could.  
  
+++  
  
"Yuki. You're up early." It was Shuichi, taking part in his early morning ritual of calling him.  
  
"I have an appointment early." Eiri replied as he cocked his head to balance the phone between his ear and shoulder while he grabbed a pair of pants and continued to dress himself.  
  
"Oh." Shuichi made no effort to hide the tone of disappointment in his voice.  
  
"Oh? Why so disappointed?"  
  
"Well, it's just... I have the day off and I thought we could spend it together!"  
  
"Hm, some other time, perhaps. Maybe next time you can let me know earlier?"  
  
"Okay."  
  
There was a pause on the line.  
  
"I'm glad I was able to catch you. It's really nice hearing your voice again, but you sound tired. You should sleep when you get home from the doctor's office, okay?"  
  
Eiri flinched, he considered asking Shuichi how he knew about the appointment, but thought better of the idea. Whatever it was would only get him angry, and he didn't have the energy for yet another shouting match with that brat.  
  
"I'm free tonight. If you want to come over, I don't mind."  
  
"Yuki?"  
  
"Anytime after 6 is fine. Maybe we can have dinner or something."  
  
+++  
  
He was never good at expressing his emotions. At least not verbally. All those words that he wanted to say but couldn't, he simply substituted a light kiss instead, a gentle caress, a light sweep of fingertips moving across the side of the boy's face. An embrace. Lips pressing against salty skin. Nose inhaling the musky scent of the body that lay spent and sweaty in his arms.  
  
Words were best reserved for the fairy tales that he wrote, shallow and insincere. Just like those stupid lovers in the past. Saying 'I love you', when all it was that they loved and wanted was his money, his fame. None of them could be bothered to look past any of that. All least he got some sex out of the ordeal.  
  
"Feel that?" Shuichi mumbled quietly as he took his lover's hand into his own and pressed it against his chest, in the spot where his heart could be felt. "This is what happens every time I look at you. I don't want your name or your money or sex. I just need someone who makes me feel like this."  
  
"And here I though that your heart is racing like that because you're exhausted from me screwing you silly for the past two hours." Eiri replied with a laugh.  
  
"YUKI!!! Well, okay. Maybe I need a little sex to feel like that." Shuichi corrected, a faint blush covering his face as he spoke those words.  
  
"Hn. Little pervert."  
  
"Yuki, why do you sound so annoyed? Are you saying that you don't want to?"  
  
"Idiot. I'm saying if you want it, you should come and take it. Or maybe you hate me now and don't feel in the mood anymore?"  
  
"You're the idiot..." Shuichi whispered as he rolled over on top of his lover. "And you have the nerve to call me the pervert..." And he pressed his lips against Eiri's.  
  
+++  
  
"Eiri, I know you're there. PICK UP THE FUCKING PHONE! Jesus, Eiri, when will you learn that if you keep pushing people away like this you'll look around one day and realize that you have absolutely nobody left? Is that what you want?"  
  
"What I want is for you to stop hassling me." He replied to the answering machine, as if it could relay his message to his sister yet again.  
  
"Okay fine. Excuse me for giving a damn!"  
  
And finally, silence.  
  
He took a deep drag from his cigarette while making a mental note to get his phone number changed again. That woman was very much mistaken about a few things, mainly the fact that he needed someone. Anyone. He was able to wake up in the morning and go to sleep at night. He had a form of income and a roof over his head. He was perfectly capable of functioning as a capable member of society. He couldn't understand why she continued to delude herself into thinking that she had some better idea about how he should live his life.  
  
The phone rang again. He let the machine pick up again.  
  
"Hi Yuki! I was calling to..."  
  
Shuichi. Eiri picked up the receiver.  
  
Eiri wondered when exactly it happened, when he began to answer the phone whenever that boy called him.  
  
+++  
  
They lay in bed, Shuichi's nude body draped atop of his, with his head resting against Eiri's chest. Eiri looked down to behold his lover on top of him, and he let one hand move to press against the base of his spine while the other gingerly stroked a lock of dark pink hair away from his forehead.  
  
Shuichi was still awake. His eyes were half-open and he was staring off to the side at nothing in particular. He inhaled deeply as he felt his lover stirring underneath him yet again.  
  
He couldn't remember any of his previous lovers looking that beautiful. His skin was cool to the touch. A beam of golden light from a street lamp outside cast its glow on Shuichi's back, the tiny drops of perspiration on his back illuminating as they reflected the light.  
  
Eiri idly ran a hand across that soft skin of his lover's back, loving the feel of the ridges of bone beneath his fingertips and muscles gently contracting as the hand moved across them.  
  
The boy moaned softly and turned his head so that it rested against the spot where Eiri's heart lay. It was beating just as fast as his own. He shook a little with that realization. Despite what Yuki said or did, the fact was that his body reacted the same way to him as he did to Yuki! Yuki wanted him as much as he wanted Yuki... A light brown nipple caught his attention so Shuichi pressed his lips against it. And he smiled to himself as his lover responded immediately with a loud moan. Encouraged, he flicked out his tongue to tease that bit of flesh.  
  
Eiri shuddered as he watched his boy play with him. No, he couldn't remember any of his previous lovers looking that beautiful. But then again, he couldn't remember ever looking at any of his lovers like he looked at this one.  
  
"You're beginning to wear me out. You little nympho..."  
  
+++  
  
"I'm not a child, you know."  
  
"That remains to be seen. As long as you keep acting like one, you're going to be treated like one, Little Brother."  
  
He had a headache. Damn it, why did he bother to answer the door in the first place? It was just like that woman to stalk him ever since he stopped returning her phone calls! But there was no point in thinking about that. The situation appeared to be hopeless. She had him cornered so he had no other alternative than to let her bitch him out for an hour or two. Eiri pulled out a cigarette. At the very least a little nicotine would help ease the torture a bit.  
  
"Cigarette?"  
  
Mika gave her younger brother a dirty look. "I'm trying to quit, remember?"  
  
Eiri smirked. "You'll be back." He taunted as he lit his own.  
  
"Thank you so much for your support." She crossed her arms, sat across from her brother and proceeded to glare at him for several minutes.  
  
"Where's the boy?"  
  
"I thought I told you, we broke up."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because we weren't compatible, okay? It happens."  
  
"You fucked up again. Typical."  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"You were with him for about a month. If my calculations are correct, that was about 28 days longer than your average relationship. Now I would guess that either he was a complete moron to stick with you for that long or maybe, just possibly something was going right for once. And from talking to him, he doesn't strike me as a complete fool. Which leaves me to believe that you were actually doing something right. Then you remembered how to be a complete fuck-up and threw it all out, didn't you?"  
  
"And here I thought you didn't like him, and that you wanted me to break up with him."  
  
"What I want is for you to be happy! And you were happy with him or you wouldn't have kept him around for so long! Jesus Eiri! Why can't you let yourself be happy for just once in your life?"  
  
"You're becoming tedious. Now if you don't mind, I have a guest coming over any minute now, so I would appreciate if you would leave."  
  
"Back to those Bimbos again. Hope you stocked up on birth control. Unless, of course, you enjoyed paying for that girl's abortion a few weeks ago."  
  
"Nice."  
  
"I'm just saying this because I..."  
  
The opening of the door interrupted them. "Sorry I'm late Yuki I..." The woman studied the pink haired visitor curiously before a self-satisfied smile spread across her face. "Oh, hello Mika-san. Sorry, Yuki. I didn't know you were having company. I'll wait in the other room until you're done."  
  
"It's okay. She was just leaving."  
  
"Yes. I was. My work here is done." She smirked at her brother before grabbing her purse and leaving the apartment. Little brother indeed, she thought to herself. He could be so transparent at times. He could pretend to not give a damn about anything when all he wanted was to love that boy and be loved in return. Now if only he wouldn't go and fuck it up again... +++  
  
"It's getting late. You should go home."  
  
"I don't want to get out of bed. It's so cold out there and it's so warm and snuggly here!" Shuichi whined as he snuggled closer to the body next to him.  
  
Eiri sighed. "Look. We already discussed this!"  
  
"I know we have, it's just that my mom doesn't like it when I come home so late."  
  
"Well then stop doing that if it bothers her so much!"  
  
"But this is the only time I get to spend with you..."  
  
"That's not my problem. Quit your job. Then you can visit me whenever you want."  
  
"I'm trying to be serious here! I worry about you, and your acting this way isn't helping at all! I know you're sick because I see you taking those pills all the time..." Shuichi stopped when he noticed the expression on his lover's face go very dark almost immediately after those words left his mouth.  
  
"Get out of my house."  
  
"FUCK! Why do I always say the wrong thing to you?"  
  
"Get out now! I'm serious."  
  
"Okay. I'm sorry, Yuki. I only said that because I love you and it hurts me to see you in so much pain."  
  
"If you don't like seeing me in pain, then you'll leave me alone, okay?"  
  
Shuichi looked as if he had been slapped. "I'm hurting you?"  
  
"Look, I already fucked you, what more do you want from me? Just... go. I need to be alone right now."  
  
"You're always alone!" He recalled his sister's voice speaking that in his mind. Mocking him, taunting him.  
  
+++  
  
The answering machine clicked on. It was someone from his publishers. Then, 15 minutes later his sister called, again. Fuck. Where was Shuichi? And even more disturbing to him was the realization of the fact that he had become so damn needy.  
  
He lay on the couch with his arm draped over his eyes as he idly wondered when he began to miss his presence so much. He needed Shuichi to call him. He needed to hear his grating and annoying voice going on and on about some random event that took place that day. He needed to be annoyed. He needed Shuichi's smile, his companionship... he needed Shuichi.  
  
No. He wasn't going to let himself fall for anyone again. That relationship crap never worked for him. Why the hell should he let himself get hurt yet again?  
  
The phone rang again.  
  
"Um... Yuki?"  
  
Shuichi. The voice he longed to hear calling him on cue, as if he somehow knew that he was wanted and needed. Eiri immediately reached for the receiver before stopping himself. No. He wouldn't do this. He didn't need anyone.  
  
"Are you there? I guess not. Um, I just wanted to say sorry about the other night. You know I have a problem saying stuff without thinking it through but. Yuki, please pick up. I really need to hear your voice right now, okay? I had a lousy day at work and my sister's been gloating over how we broke up and I really don't need any of this right now, and I just want to hear your voice to make sure you're okay and God, I'm rambling again. Sorry. I guess you really aren't there. I'll try again later. Bye."  
  
+++  
  
Two days passed. No more calls from Shuichi. It was better that way, no use in lamenting the fact that he destroyed yet another thing that he wanted. It was better that it ended there. At least it didn't happen after he had gotten himself attached. He didn't need anyone. He couldn't need anyone. He couldn't love anyone. Love didn't exist. Love was nothing than some little mental delusion that men and women thought of to justify staying with their mates just long enough to raise a few kids together. That was it. Love was only a behavioral necessity to preserve the species. He certainly didn't need it in his situation. Love certainly had no place in that relationship in any event.  
  
But he missed Shuichi.  
  
He looked at the phone, and again he willed it to ring. He rarely got any phone calls anymore. Only from his sister and brother in law, the occasional work related call from his publisher, or Shuichi. That was it. Those were the only links he had to the rest of the society. It wasn't long ago that the phone would ring off the hook, so many women to date, to fuck, and to search for the one person who satisfied him the most, the one person who was capable of calming his wounded heart, to make him feel like he was genuinely special again.  
  
The women never called anymore. He wondered when it happened, that they stopped calling. He wondered why he never bothered to notice.  
  
"I love you..." The voice kept saying, again and again.  
  
+++  
  
A soft giggle followed by a light tickling sensation at his ear which immediately brought him out of unconsciousness. Eiri opened his eyes to find that he was not alone in bed.  
  
"You're still here?" He wondered aloud, knowing full well that his companion was still awake.  
  
"It's raining out. You don't want me to catch pneumonia and die, do you?" Was the reply.  
  
"You won't die. God doesn't want you yet."  
  
"No, but you do." Shuichi teased as he kissed Yuki on the tip of his nose.  
  
"Presumptuous brat." Eiri muttered as he surrendered to the temptation to kiss those salty lips. "Okay. Just for tonight, you can stay."  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"But don't get any ideas. We're still broken up."  
  
"I understand."  
  
"Although you probably want to move some of your clothes here, just in case... You wouldn't want to go to work in the same clothes you wore the day before, would you."  
  
"I love you, Yuki."  
  
"Why do you always say that?"  
  
"Because I think I was born to love you. Like I loved you in a past life and my soul remembered and still loves you now."  
  
"Hn. That's funny, because I know for a fact that I was married to a woman in my past life."  
  
"So? How do you know it wasn't me?"  
  
"I never said that. I was just mentioning that I was with a chick the last time around."  
  
"Maybe you were a girl too."  
  
"Not likely. I was all man last time around. I know this for a fact. I am a priest, you know." Eiri chuckled.  
  
"I think we were together. I think our spirits are bound through all of time and space and wherever we go and get separated, we still manage to find each other again, you know? This is what I like to think anyway. All I know is that I knew that I wanted you from the moment I first saw you. I couldn't stop thinking about you that night we first saw each other, did I mention that? I just lay in bed all night and cried and cursed because you were so cruel to me, when all I wanted was to just see you again..." Shuichi paused. "What did you think when you saw me?"  
  
No response.  
  
"Yuki?"  
  
A soft snore was all that he was answered with.  
  
Shuichi smiled. "Goodnight, Yuki."  
  
~Fin~ 


End file.
